We all love porn: let's just admit it. And here's another thing that we should admit: that we use porn as a guideline or even a goal for sex in our real lives. It's very common that both men and women will want their sex adventures to mimic what they see in porn. We want to do it like porn stars and we use porn to seek out a lot of our fantasies. We all love porn, but how realistic is it? When comparing it to actual real life sex, turns out it isn't very realistic at all! There are a lot of things in porn that you will never experience when having sex in real life. In fact, almost every part of porn—from the positions to the penis sizes to the way women orgasm to the stamina—is something you will never experience in real life. You know why? Because porn is essentially fake! Just like how mainstream movies are fabrications and exaggerations of real life scenarios, porn movies are an exaggeration of real life sex. But that is okay because "real life" sex is awesome too!

Porn may involve actual sex, but that doesn't mean it isn't a production. Remember: porn is a movie and a business. A lot of thought, time, and money goes into producing porn. Even the porn that is meant to look amateur has to consider things like angles and equipment and lighting. And like regular movies, porn is edited. You have no way of knowing how many takes were involved to get a scene just right, or how it is edited in a way to seem extra sexy. We're not saying that's a bad thing. We love porn's production value! That's what makes it so great; we love seeing cinematic sex.

But it's important to keep in mind that sex in real life won't ever be this produced. You and your lover won't have a crew off of to the sides watching your every move. You won't have a set or a director. You won't have an editor or sound engineer. Real life sex is just you and your partner and we're okay with that! We'll leave the production value to the professionals.

Perhaps one of the most frustrating things about porn is how penis size is portrayed. If you only ever watched porn for your views on sex, you would think that every dude needs to be hung like a horse and that a giant penis is what every woman wants. Well we are here to tell you that isn't true! And thinking it's true actually creates a lot of problems in both men and women with confidence in the bedroom and feeling adequate. We want the men out there to know that you don't need a massive dick to be "a man" and not all women want a massive dick anyway.

In fact, it's been proven time and time again, in countless research studies, that the average penis size is less than six inches erect. So why is porn filled with massive dongs? Well, it looks more impressive on camera, we suppose. But it isn't the norm! And even more countless studies have shown that women don't LUST after giant penises. In fact, many women don't particularly care about length at all. It all comes down to how you use it. So if you're less endowed than the actors you watch in porn, don't worry. It's normal!

And while we're on the topic of image portrayal in porn, how about how porn portrays bodies in general? Now, there is a kind of porn out there for every type of person and kind and yes, you can find ALL SORTS of body types. But in general, porn showcases only a few types of bodies and they are usually super fit, slender, and in the women usually involve big breasts.

By only showing a certain kind of body type in porn, it can create a lot of bad conditioning and misconceptions about what is deemed "sexy" by society. It can also lead to lack of confidence and feelings of doubt in people who don't look like porn stars. Which is a lot of people! You may not look like a porn star but that doesn't mean you aren't sexy or great in bed. And the same goes for your partners too! Own your body and whatever shape it is and try not to compare it to the outrageous, unrealistic porn ideals. You are sexy just the way you are!

We get it: porn is really about the sex and the fantasy. But often the lack of everything else involved in sex (the romance, the feelings, the longing) are completely removed to just focus on the actual act of sex. There's a lot more going on in real life sex than just carnal pleasure, trust us! We sometimes wish that porn would show a more realistic side of people coming together, not just the overly dramatic and super aggressive sex scenes. But those unrealistic scenarios (hello "handy man coming to fix the sink and finding the lonely housewife") are also part of what makes porn so fun and outrageous.

So while you are enjoying your porn, don't take for granted how real and grounded your own sex life is. Don't ignore the GENTLE ROMANCE or comfort of getting to know your partner. Porn often skips the intimacy in favor of out-there scenarios. Intimacy is important, though! That closeness you feel with your lover is something that is hard to fake in porn. And don't forget that there are loads of different kinds of sex too, not just insanely loud and big porn-style sex. There's fast sex and slow sex and quiet sex. We get pleasure in all sorts of ways, not just the ones that porn focuses on.

Sex is really awkward. Don't let anyone tell you different! Two bodies coming together in weird shapes is awkward. Porn rarely ever displays this awkwardness because of the fact that it is rehearsed and produced to appear perfect and spontaneous. Rarely will you see two people fumbling to try a position in porn. You won't see two people try a position and decide they aren't feeling it. Or how about accidentally knocking heads while you're going at it, or even falling off the bed! These real "fumbles" won't make it into porn because that's not polished enough or part of the fantasy that porn is trying to project. And that's okay, because that's the point of porn. But in enjoying that fantasy we can't forget to EMBRACE what is beautiful and fun an intimate about real life sex.

Real life sex may not be polished or practiced but that's okay. Real life sex is beautifully awkward and that's what we love about it.

We mentioned above how real life sex is awkward and porn isn't, and a huge portion of that is due to the fact that porn is heavily choreographed. Rarely are any moves or positions performed in porn without careful thought to how they will appear to the fantasy and the exaggerated narrative. Porn stars also rehearse their "choreography" to make sure that everything is polished and fluid. Even if it gives the impression of looking spontaneous and amateur, chances are it is not.

While practice definitely makes perfect when it comes to different sex positions, you definitely don't want to get into the habit of doing a dress rehearsal of sex before the real deal. Nor do you exactly want to plot out the order of the things you are going to do! Part of the fun of real life sex is the spontaneity of it. You and your partner don't necessarily know what is going to happen and that is SUPER sex.

Another big part of what contributes to how porn is super controlled and polished is the camera. Not only is every scene in a porn choreographed and thought out, but the camera angles are specifically chosen for maximum viewing and arousal. You are likely seeing angles in porn that you will never be able to witness in real life. A huge part of the arousal factor in porn is how you are seeing the positions and sex. It has nothing to do with feeling.

This is important to keep in mind when you're engaging in actual sex. You can only see so much and it definitely won't be the incredible angles that porn provides. This means you need to find your PLEASURE and AROUSAL in something else aside from a perfectly shot visual. Maybe it's looking at your partner. Maybe it's focusing on the feel. Maybe it's closing your eyes. Whatever it is, embrace your intimate perspective!

The absolute norm in porn is for women to orgasm from vaginal penetration. And usually it is very loud and very over the top. Well guess what: is it also highly unlikely! Along with showing women having mind-blowing orgasms from penetration, porn also makes squirting almost seem like a norm as well. Women are always squirting when they orgasm in porn and in reality it is also super unusual.

Women do not regularly orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Some need extra stimulation to the clitoris or somewhere else. Others don't want to experience penetration at all. By framing it so that a woman has an orgasm because of a guy working to achieve is orgasm creates this dynamic where guys don't necessarily want to do anything else to help a woman get off. This is not cool! There is so much more to sex than simply penetration.

What porn doesn't do a great job at portraying is how gross sex is. And even if they do delve into a kink that may be messy or gross, it's still practiced and controlled.

Sex is gross, though! Super gross! And that's okay. We're not saying that's a BAD thing. In fact, it's a totally cool thing. But we all need to acknowledge that two bodies grinding together, getting sweaty, is sort of GROSS. And sticking your tongue in someone else's mouth and licking them all over is also kind of gross. Sex involves a lot of smells, tastes, and fluids that might not be super sexy. The key is to just accept that it's totally normal and try to relax and have a great time anyway. Embrace the ew-factor of real sex!

Another thing that porn doesn't really show that well is timing. Because of how porn is edited and considering that everything is pre-planned and practiced, it's hard to get a good idea of timing. Listen, we don't know about you but if we're banging someone HARD for 5 solid minutes, we're going to need to stop and slow down for a breather. Also from the way that porn is cut and edited, it always looks like the couples are going at it for hours on end without ever seeming to stop. That's just not possible!

Real sex ebbs and flows. There are moments of fast, intense passion and there are moments of deliberate slowness and laziness. It's also important to remember that even if both partners are SUPER HORNY, that doesn't mean you'll be able to jump right back into round two right after round one.

Porn is, and always will be, awesome. We love the fantasy and how aroused we get watching it. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't appreciate the differences that real life sex has to offer. Almost everything about porn is fake and fabricated anyway, so try to focus on the real and love everything about it, from the awkwardness to the spontaneity to the grossness. Otherwise you'll end up being let down by real sex, which is super tragic! The very best thing about real sex is that it is REAL. Don't forget that!

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